New Year 2019

In ways, I’m really disappointed in myself that I haven’t maintained my blog for over 12 months. In other ways, I know that it means that my life has been full enough to not really even think about it. Facebook has kind of taken over the whole ‘life update’ thing. And even then, Facebook doesn’t even get my daily updates anymore. I post the occasional link to something of interest, or quiz results, or photos of the kids, but really it just ends up being crap that’s not worth remembering.

I’ve ordered (way too late, to be honest) my 2019 bullet journal in an attempt to journal daily. Whether that be by way of journal prompts or tarot pulls or whatever. But I really want to record my days and how I’m spending my time, because I feel like although I always use the excuse of not having enough time, or running out of time, most of it is spent really doing nothing. And I’m super tired of making excuses for myself.

There’s been some amazing opportunities thrown my way in recent months, and I’m really not grasping them with both hands, both out of ‘not having enough time’, and out of fear. Fear is a huge issue for me. I want to make my doula business launch off the ground like a fucking rocket, but I am also scared of it getting too big too fast, and then not being able to keep up with it. I’m scared of having enough work to keep me busy full-time, but not earning enough money to pay the bills like my day job does.

We’re currently around $35,000 in debt, not including our mortgage. We need regular income to pay this off, and we are. Slowly. But if I quit my day job to have enough time to invest into my business, we won’t have that regular income. I can’t quit my job to chase a dream.

Fear – False Evidence Appearing Real.

Fear – Forgetting Everything About Reality.

Fear – Future Events Already Ruined.

I don’t know, I guess I’m venting. I am recognising the time issue, which is a start. I need to use the time I have more wisely. I am also recognising the need for self-care and not burning myself out like I have in the past.

Which is why I want to focus on 2019 by journalling, and blogging. Making note of how I spend my time and making sure I fit in the family time, the self time, the business time and work time. Making sure I’m spending that time being productive, even if by productive it means nurturing relationships, or having much-needed time by myself.

I sometimes wish there were more hours in a day! How do you balance it?