Being

I haven’t posted nearly as much on this blog as I would have liked (or as much as I thought I would at the start of the year), for a myriad of reasons.

One, is that I never really feel like I have much to write about. I mean, I do, but it’s nothing anyone would really want to hear about.  My life has fallen into routine and monotony (*shudders at those words*), and unfortunately that tends to be living with children; children need stability and routine so that they know what to expect, and so that’s where we’re at.

Two, work. I’m constantly doing something. I completed my doula training in July, so I’ve started up that business, and I’ve also revived my web development business. I have been sub-contracted to a local small biz to assist with web design.  I am a mum of two, one goes to kindergarten and the other to daycare.  I also work a part-time ‘day job’.  I read tarot. I have my fingers in a lot of pies! And that doesn’t leave a lot of time for my recreation pursuits like writing.  Or rather, I’d prefer to use the time that I do have to myself catching up on sleep, Facebook, or reading.

Three, who even reads personal blogs anymore?  I came from the early blogger days where everyone would follow everyone else and there was a thriving community of bloggers.  But since the influx of modern social media (i.e. Facebook) and micro-blogging (Twitter), the communities have dwindled and separated.  I’m still connected to a lot of the bloggers I used to follow, but I’ll be the first to admit I don’t visit their blogs anymore, even if they do write them still.

But I can’t let go.  I can’t loosen my grasp on this stupid little space on the internet that I claim as my own (even though I have a tonne of other platforms I could use).  There’s something almost sacred about this space. It’s like it both exists and ceases to exist at the same time; it’s a place I can come to for solitude within myself, to let my fingers fly over the keyboard without even thinking about the words I’m typing.  It’s almost a release, I guess. A place to just be – even though it’s not a physical space.  Few people know about it, even fewer people probably read it. So I’m almost free to say whatever the hell is going on in my head without the fear of ridicule, or fear of losing my job, or fear of anything remotely fearful.

It’s a place of being. No past, no future, just present.