Desperate for Change

It’s very strange having something that you want to share with the world, but not being able to for fear of jinxing it should it not actually come to fruition.

I referred to a new ‘project’ in this post in December, and this is what I’m talking about.  We have found what we’re looking for, but at this point we don’t know if it will become part of our reality yet.

I find this sort of situation very difficult to deal with – wanting something so badly in my life, knowing that it’s right there in front of me and it’s perfect for what we need, but it being just out of reach for whatever reason (financial, usually).  I’m very much a ‘want it now’ kind of person – I’m not at all against working for something, but I’ll almost always prefer to “pay it off” and have it available to me now than to wait and possibly miss the opportunity to hold it at all.

It’s amusing to me that I’m always telling people, if it doesn’t work out it wasn’t meant to be, but I find it hard to swallow that advice myself.  Which I know is so hypocritical.  I just can’t see anything else that would be more perfect to our family right now and it’s just not something we can reach for ourselves yet – there’s a lot of logistical and strategic shit we have to work through first.  In the meantime, that opportunity may just disappear.

I know, Vague Post is Vague, but so desperately wanting to improve things in my family’s life is what is driving me right now – I want to make this happen for us.  But it’s kind of out of my hands right now.